My Dearest Melissa,

Your death has left a gaping hole in my life and in my heart,

producing an emptiness I know will never be filled. I will miss

your voice, the sound of your laughter, those funny endearing

things you did...your hugs and kisses that lifted me when I was

down...your calling me on the phone or coming in the door and

asking..."Where's my Gram?" And so many things that made

you the person I loved so dearly. I miss the bond we shared

from the time you were a little girl...that special bond that I

can never have again. I miss the secrets we shared and kept for

each other...the special closeness between Granddaughter and her

Gram. I miss your ever appreciative gestures for even the

smallest of things I did or said to you. I was and always will

be SO proud of you! I apologize if ever I disappointed you,

let you down, or neglected you. I never meant to do anything

other than love you. I miss the dreams I had for, and with you.

I miss the future we will never have and the past, which, no

matter how long it may have been...will never be long enough!

~~~~I miss you, my precious Angel!

I have wept for you as well as myself. I have cried for your

Mom and your Dad, and for your sister Michelle...for their

loss and their pain. I have prayed so hard to accept your death

and to understand why you are no longer with us. Why do we

have to struggle through this world without you? Some people

have reached out to me... to help me in my grief. Others have

turned away, unable to bear the pain I carry. I do not ask

them to share it with me, only to listen as I talk and cry.

But they aren't able... I am disappointed, but will love them

no less. I have waited in the darkness for some sign that you

are in a better and a safer place, and even when I may have

received it, I could not help but question how it could be better

if I am not there with you. And I have wanted to join you

so often when the aloneness threatened to overwhelm me.

Through all of this turmoil and doubt, I have managed to come

this far. Only God knows how I have, for I have leaned

on His strength and His love for me. And on His caring

enough to carry me through this...the most devastating time of

my life. I have not yet achieved my goal, but at least I can

now recognize that I am on the road to recovery. I am not

sure how I will go on without you; no matter how many other

important people may come into my life, you have always held a

special place, and it is hard to imagine life without you in it.

Will you now walk beside me as my friend, my confidante, and

forever as my dear and precious granddaughter? I cannot come

to you at this time; I can only trust that we will be reunited in

God's love and compassion. But my life must go on; it is time

for me to begin to live my life for myself and for others. I

must think of the rest of my family...whom I cherish.

I know that you will never be far from my thoughts, as I will

never leave yours. Thank you for the wonderful, unique, and

loving relationship we shared. I hold those memories so close

in my heart, as some of the very best times of my life. I

thank God for sharing you with us for sixteen years. Those

years will be treasured forever. I know you will never leave

our hearts and prayers, and you, in turn, will pray for all of

your loved ones that you left behind. For you are HOME

at last! When we meet once again, I look forward to sharing

these new experiences of your life and mine...with you.

As I think of letting go of you, I must now ask that you also

let go of me. Your new life must seem as strange to you as my

new life (without you) seems to me. Let us then, agree to

explore these new existences, these new spheres of reality,

knowing that we carry the other with us...with loving and open

hearts.

I LET YOU GO, MY DEAREST MELISSA!

I love you...I miss you...I will never forget you!

With all my love forever,

Your devoted Gram

 

I wrote this letter to Melissa shortly after her death. Though the thoughts are mine...I give

special thanks to NAN KEATON for the basic outline.

This Midi is: "CHERISH"

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